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Britney Spears, Nuclear Physicist, Will Use Her Amazing Intellect To Harness The Power Of The Sun And Stop Global Warming 17.Sep.2007

That's about as believable as Britney taking out a contract on K-Fed's hillbilly ass. Or as believable as some fat tub of guts coming forward four months later to dish dirt out of concern for her children's welfare. Yeah, right. How much are they paying you, Slim? In food or in cash? Brit and Fat Tony in happier days High-powered attorney Gloria Allred, queen media whore and not even officially of counsel in the custody battle, was the one who dragged this clown out from behind a dumpster. She also whipped the press into a frenzy before appearing front and center with her chubby new friend.

Fat Tony, as he is known (wonder why), provided a sworn statement that he saw Britney using drugs and running around naked in front of her children. Like that other pillar of virtue, Shannon Funk, Tony's tenure with Britney was decidedly short. He said Britney fired him because she told him to pick up her hat and he didn't hear her. That she fired him because he couldn't bend down to pick up said hat is probably closer to the truth. She probably also caught him stealing Ho-ho's when he thought she was sleeping. Once he reached for the Cheetos he was finished.

Fat Tony's testimony was so credible that neither Britney's nor Kevin's attorneys bothered to question him. That's because this was all a publicity stunt designed to rattle Britney into forking over more dough to a certain wigger who's allergic to making an honest living.