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The Lohan Chronicles: Lindsay's Parents Keep The Rumor Mill Alive. It's Called Job Security. 17.Sep.2007

Save me a hitWe at PrettyBoring love writing about the mayhem and squalor that is La Vida Lohan. It is in this spirit that we present - and shoot down - the latest Lindsay rumors, each more ridiculous than the next.

1. Lindsay failed a drug test: Almost undoubtedly true, but not a solitary occurrence. I'm sure she fails as often as she's tested. Especially if # 2 is true.

2. Lindsay's mom sends her clothes with drugs hidden in them: Uh, rehabs search everything that comes through the door. Also, if this was true wouldn't Dina be charged? I think Michael would make sure she was.

3. Lindsay is a sex addict, having sex 3 to 4 times a day: That's just silly. They throw people out for that kind of behavior. Besides, that's what the small appliances are for. The chef hasn't seen the blender in months.

4. Lindsay's quitting Hollywood to stay sober: That will never happen. Her parents would never allow it. Then they'd have to get real jobs.

Lindsay's scheduled to remain at Le Cirque for at least another two months. This is not unusual for hard-core addicts, a group of which Lindsay is definitely a member. Dina and Michael will be hard at work keeping that gossip money rolling in until then.

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