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Exclusive: Prettyboring Presents The Real Reason A-rod Needs Hip Surgery 08.Mar.2009

I don't care what your name isNot everyone's hips can maintain a constant in-and-out without showing signs of wear and tear. Even Wonky has her ass flaps to bear (it's the drag - it's not as aerodynamic as it used to be). But after a torrid fling with Madge and a steady stream of nameless, faceless bimbo meat, A-Rod's illegally juiced loins have gone out. He's not expected to return to the game until May, and almost certain not to be missed by fans and teammates alike.

Isn't it convenient that he should wait until now, when he's under fire for lying about being a juicer, to have surgery so he can drop out of sight for a month or two? That hip has probably been bothering him for a while, but it sure hasn't slowed him down any.

Madonna, thankfully, seems to have washed that roider right out of her hair. Not only has she left him in the dust for her beloved Baby Jesus, she's even moving out of her Central Park West duplex for a townhouse across town. So much for A-Rod's new pad just two blocks away. I'm sure he can find plenty of willing nurses to take her place. There's a sucker born every minute.