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Spurned By The Greeks But Needing Some, Paris Hilton Has To Settle For Baggy Balls Cisco 26.Jul.2007

And no, I'm not going to post THAT picture, but here's the two of them karaoke-ing their hearts out.

Summer lovin', happened so fast ...

That's actually a Photoshop special, but reports indicate that Paris and Cisco were indeed canoodling up a storm the other night, with Paris even giving Adler a lap dance. I hope he was wearing his Valtrex shield.

Is Paris doomed to be a spinster? She's been through all the eligible Greek shipping heirs. Paris, Stavros ... the parents of the Greek shipping elite have even gone so far as to institute a letter-writing campaign urging all others to avoid her like ... well, a sexually transmitted disease.

She's even been attending LA Galaxy events, trolling for new meat, but getting no takers. Yes, Paris, the word is out. Your shit is contaminated. Nobody wants to join you at the clinic. Nobody cares if you take it up the butt for coke. Nobody even cares that you stand to inherit $70 million.

What's next for the heir-head who put celebutante on the map? Well, there has to be a few eligible bachelors left who haven't succumbed to her ... charms. Maybe she can find a Russian mail order husband. I just think it's sad that she has to settle for Mischa Barton's leftovers. Blecch.