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Britney Spears, Jilted Spouse: Keep That C U Next Tuesday Away From My Boys 30.Jan.2009

Poor little Jayden James. He's been through so much. It was little JJ that Mom clung to the night she was rushed to the hospital. It was Jayden who was rushed to the hospital after having a reaction to 11 secret herbs and spices. And now it's Jayden who's being torn between two women: His beautiful mama who's still kinda scary, and Daddy's new sleepover buddy, who's also scary, but in a different way.

Mommy's doing better now. She has to keep her clothes on and doesn't crash her car all the time anymore. She even said she'd take Jay and his big brother on tour, and Daddy was invited, too. The whole family could be together again. But that was before she found out about Victoria. Mommy hates Victoria, and even had a funny word for her. Now the tour's off and they'll have to stick to mini-golf and Chuck E. Cheese. Life is so unfair.

But maybe Mommy's not so wrong about Victoria. Before she met Daddy she was in trouble for not paying her rent. And before that she beat a bunch of people up. She's like eight feet tall. Daddy is a little scared of her, but she's nice to Jay and Sean. A lot nicer than that crappy Alli anyway. Maybe Mom and Victoria can make friends someday. Then they can all go to Chuck E. Cheese together - and have a real brawl. It's what people do there these days.