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The Lohan Chronicles: Prolonged Exposure To Firecrotch Forces Riley Back Into Rehab. 26.Oct.2007

Now unable to blinkOK, that's not exactly true. He was scheduled to return for additional outpatient treatment - you know, because he was more cracked than the San Andreas fault. Or is Lindsay slip-sliding off the wagon, forcing him to abandon ship to save himself? She did just check in to the Beverly Hills Hotel, a favorite haunt of some other celebrity druggies.

Getting away from Lindsay might actually be the best thing for the pudgy little under-achiever. He certainly can't expect her to support him forever. Unless they release a sex tape he's going to have to get some kind of job. Carrying her gym bag into the dance studio is hardly a good career move.

In other Blohan news, Lindsay has been hard at work taking tango lessons and shopping the bargain bins at Forever 21. Her wardrobe has taken a marked downgrade, but she still manages to keep the paps snapping everywhere she goes. All that smoking she's doing is really aging the hell out of her. It's getting harder and harder to tell her apart from her mother ... and that's truly scary.

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