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Her Broadway Gig Behind Her, Katie Holmes Dons Disguise In Escape Attempt 14.Jan.2009

Katie's not a happy camper. This marriage thing is not what she thought it would be. When the little emperor was courting her, he boasted of all the things he could do for her: he would find her the perfect movie, one that would make her the star she always wanted to be. She figured she could stoop, slouch and stand one step lower for all that.

Alas, things have not turned out the way either of them planned. Tom no longer has the Hollywood pull he used to. His movies are no longer the blockbusters they once were. The best he could do for her was help her land this Broadway gig, and as soon as it's done he wants her home. Pronto.

But Katie's not going willingly into her brainwashing sessions anymore. She's sick of all that propaganda, and swears if she has to take one more sip of that nasty barley milk she's gonna hurl. So Katie hit the wardrobe room, and after a few minutes of searching, found the perfect disguise: she would become a priest to escape the church. She'd be back in the corn belt before they even noticed her missing.

Sadly, Katie's bid for freedom was foiled when the ever-present minders looked down at her feet and saw those scruffy Keds. No man of the cloth would be caught dead in them. She was dragged, kicking and screaming, into yet another round of reprogramming, which is where she'll stay until her next ovulation cycle. The king needs an heir.