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Now You Can Smoosh Yourself: New Jersey Shore Sex Toy A Must-have For Pinholes Everywhere 24.Sep.2010

Snooki! Where are you? I don't usually write about The Jersey Shore and its dirty whores, but I have to say that this caught my eye, but not for the reason its creators intended. I can't for the life of me figure out why people are so fascinated by this bunch of losers and bar hags - you could go to practically any neighborhood bar in New York or New Jersey and find a similar bunch of shallow, silly drunkards. Snooki may be cute now, but give her a few more years of binge drinking and random smooshing and she'll look like Salisbury steak. The other bimbos on the show may be in better shape, but only from the neck down.

During one of their drunken binges, Snooki hooked up with Vinny, one of the dudes on the show, and told the world that smooshing him was like trying to stuff a watermelon in a pinhole. Instant classic, like a lot of the shit that falls out of the little lush's mouth. And now, like everybody else, Playgirl wants to cash in on the Shore fad. They want to create a mold of Vinny's watermelon and use it to make a sex toy for all those Anistons out there. (Sorry, couldn't resist.) They're offering $30,000 and will even supply the mold, their very own Clone-A-Willy.

Before you throw out all your current weapons of crass distraction (and no self-respecting woman would be caught dead without it/them), bear in mind that it's not a done deal: They already asked him to bare his fruit for their mag, which he passed on, probably because he makes more than that just showing up at a club ... or maybe because poor Snooki was just a victim of really bad aim. She was too drunk to remember, and he's probably too ashamed to admit it.

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