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Paris Hilton Shows Off Overdeveloped Humping Muscles, Ass Flaps And Growths Even Valtrex Can't Treat 17.Jul.2007

The rest of her body is nowhere near as toned as her pelvic region. With lower abs like that she can drill down like a woodpecker.

Wonky surfs!

I couldn't imagine why Paris would be suddenly surfing this week - turns out she's banging a 21-year-old Australian surfer and t-shirt designer. Like Lindsay, Paris must now travel to distant continents to find fresh meat - all the domestic stock has been tainted already.

Looking at this picture, though, I did notice some very odd things. Well, odd on anyone else but Paris. When you examine each part by itself, it's a mystery. Viewed altogether, it's obvious that her body is showing the wear and tear one would expect with such high mileage.

Exhibit # 1: Serious ass flaps. It's got nothing to do with her workout regimen. Because Paris has been slammed repeatedly on so many hard surfaces (car hoods, asphalt, brick walls) her ass is permanently smattered.

Exhibit # 2: Suspiciously lumpy crotch area. Maybe a bumper crop of warts. Ewww...

Exhibit # 3: Oddly misshapen abs, from only being used to thrust hips wildly and randomly.

Of course, what would a day with Paris be without a nip slip? Yes, there was a shot of her with a boob hanging out, but I really didn't see the point. At least with Britney there's the funny clothes.