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Way To Go, Papa Joe: Jessica Simpson Could Have Been An Idol Judge If She Had Had A Real Manager 03.Aug.2010

I swear, can't you find a hobby or something? !? But no, Jess has a Dad-ager, which kinda rhymes with damager, which is a pretty apt description (if grammatically incorrect) of Papa Joe's management technique - or lack thereof. Every time a good opportunity comes along, Papa Joe has to get all greedy and blow the deal. God, what does a girl have to do to get a decent gig? Simple. Get a real manager.

It wasn't always this way. Even though she was a total dimwit on The Newlyweds, she was an adorable dimwit and America loved her. So did all the designers, what with all her lush curves. But that was then. These days, instead of being A-list with her pick of the very latest lines, Jess is working the bingo circuit in the most unflattering mom jeans ever created. Sure, she's put on a few pounds since those days, but who could blame her? Between John Mayer, Tony Romo and a pushy stage parent who couldn't negotiate his way out of a wet paper bag it's no wonder if she's turned to food for solace. It could be worse, people.

So Jessica lost a prime opportunity to become America's favorite dingbat again, and why? Not because she doesn't have industry experience, or because she's sneaking swigs of the hard stuff out of a coffee cup and puking behind the dais on commercial brakes. No, it's because her idiot father went in there demanding ridiculous shit and they told him to piss off. Now instead of Jessica we have to put up with JLo and all her drama. I'm so glad I've got better things to do with my time.