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Emperor Xenu Is Very Disappointed In His Disciple, Tom Cruise, So He Sends Suri To Straighten His Ass Out 29.Jan.2008

You fool! You've let them get away!The Emperor tried to be patient. He realizes that despite his bottomless bank account and inappropriate emotional responses, little Tom Cruise really is a human being, and sometimes, well, he just ... falls short.

Xenu ordered Tom and Katie to recruit the Beckhams - they were perfect: rich, gorgeous and rich. However, Xenu and his henchman Suri woefully underestimated Victoria's iron mantle of control on their finances. She made it clear that there was no way the cult was getting a dime.

After a very scary period of spooky phone calls and trespassers, life has returned to a semblance of normalcy for the family, but Posh never sleeps. She knows the little robot girl is out there somewhere, but nobody comes between Posh and her boys. The church should go back to picking on washed-up sitcom actresses.