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Prettyboring Exclusive: Identity Of John Mayer's Scorned Lover Revealed 08.Mar.2008

Reunited and it feels so goodLast week John Mayer posted the following missive on one of his blogs - it wasn't there long, but Perez was kind enough to grab it:

" ... Dear Ex Lover, Perhaps you didn't understand the last time I told you to stop contacting me, so I'll do my best to spell it out for you. I do not wish to have you in my life anymore. I don't know how much more clear I can be about it. It would serve you best to move on with your life and find someone who can put up with you, because I'm done trying. I hope this is enough closure for you. Goodbye. P.S. If you need me, you know how to find me."

Everyone wondered, who could it be? It's not Jessica Simpson. She's been hanging out with Tony Romo (and his teammates, if you believe in blind vice). It's not Minka Kelly. She seemed almost relieved to be rid of John. He kept stealing her underwear.

Confused? Don't be. It's not so complicated, but it is terribly bittersweet. John's harsh words of rejection are intended for his one and only hot Butter lover, the one who takes him around the world again and again. They just have a chemistry that few can match and even fewer can understand. The Butter lover knows John wore the neon green nutsling for him, not for the grannies playing shuffleboard. He also knows he just has to wait until John returns to Butter to feel his manly touch again. This time he hopes that at least he'll get cab fare.