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Britney Spears, Reckless Breeder: Blame The Depo Provera For Making Her Fat, But Stand Back If You Like Your Toes 04.Nov.2007

Less-than-ideal driving conditionsOh, sure, blame the birth control for the extra twenty or thirty pounds you're packin' around your hips. It's got nothing to do with the 5,000-calorie frappecinos, the fried chicken or the gallons of booze you're sucking down, right?

Those elusive inside sources are at it again, this time with reports that Britney found out she was knocked up again in January and tried to con the conman she was married to into thinking the child was his. According to the source, Kevin knew she was boffing several men besides him at the time and he sent her packing. The rejection sent her running home to Louisiana, where she allegedly suffered a miscarriage (uh-huh) before being "forced" into rehab. The sperm donor in question has not been identified, and is probably still scrubbing his pee-pee.

In other Britney news, the stubby little chumpot is also under police investigation for hit and run - again - after running over a cop's foot in the melee after her court appearance last week. I don't know about you, but I'm waiting for the day she just floors it and mows the whole unruly mob down. But then who would pump her gas and explain how the drive-thru works?