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Paris Hilton Shows Off Street Fighting Skills, Knocking Out Innocent Bystander. 17.Sep.2007

Don't make me use this

You wouldn't think she has it in her, but look at the size of those man hands! The poor guy never saw it coming.

I guess this is what Paris looks like when she strikes out in the club. Grumpy, frustrated, sick of fantasizing about Stavros while humping whatever she's got lying around ... the life of a has-been is never an easy one, especially when you're not even 30.

So what's an overexposed, aging celebutante to do? Travel the world? Done that, many times over. Marry a wealthy shipping heir? Like the Eagles said, the Greeks don't want no freaks. Party like a rock star? That's like, so ten minutes ago. Contract a social disease and share the wealth with every swinging dick west of the Rockies? All old news for this Valtrex poster child.

One thing Paris won't be doing in the future (near or otherwise) is adopting four blond, blue-eyed little girls, as was reported recently. When asked about this most silly of rumors, Paris said, "That's retarded!" She's already got a zookeeper for all of her pets; she doesn't want to have to pay a nanny, too.