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Someone Needs To Tell Kelli Pickler That Not All Sex Toys Are Waterproof 01.Apr.2009

Bride of ThorazineWhat is with this girl? I've never been a fan (or even regular viewer) of anything Idol, but I remember when she came back for a guest slot and Ryan Cheesecrest made a big deal out of her newly enlarged rack. (Yeah, I know, like he really looks at those things.) Since then Kelli has gone from over-processed to prematurely shrinkwrapped to young Phyllis Diller (no offense, Phyllis). Is that how she's marketing herself?

This girl's face is stretched so tight it'll be years before she's able to blink properly. She's only like 22, 23 years old - at this rate she'll have no more face to life by the time she's 40 - it can only be stretched so thin.

The crowning glory, however, is her electro-shock hair. How much of that is even real hair, and does it really matter? Somebody probably charged Kelli hundreds, if not thousands, of dollars to look like the ass end of a broken down dust mop. I know Kelli's a country girl and all, but can't someone give her a little guidance before she looks like Madam?