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Fugileptics: Time Is Not On Hurley's Side, And Naomi Campbell Is Pretending To Be An Emu. 30.May.2007

Exhibit # 1: Elizabeth HurleyThat sure is colorful. So are venomous snakes.Whatever happened to Liz Hurley? She used to be so hot - remember the Versace safety pin dress? Before J. Lo and the green dress, there was Hurley and her 500 yards of double-stick tape.

Nowadays Liz looks like she got whomped with the ugly stick. She looks pale, wan, and totally pissed that she's out of double-stick tape: Now everyone will see her wonky boobs - talk about independent suspension.

Exhibit # 2: Naomi Campbell Becomes a Hermit Crab (Kinda)Have you seen my assistant? Naomi's time on the streets of NYC fulfilling her community service for braining her assistant with a cell phone. She loved the big, shiny crows and the way they pushed the other, smaller birds around. "If I wear a disguise I can beat the hired help all day!" Naomi may or may not have squealed.

When last spotted, Campbell had finally come up against a more formidable opponent than the laundry girl from Uruguay. The cat from the apartment across the hall had chased her up a tree, and the psychotic supermodel was out at the tip of a very high branch.