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Strike 3 - Jessica Simpson Is Out! 18.Apr.2007

OK, I admit it, I tried on a pair of jeans JUST LIKE this yesterday. But unlike, Ms. Simpson I made the right choice and didn? t buy them. Why? Because I looked in the damn mirror and saw what a fat ass they made me look like. Apparently she doesn? t own mirrors. Jessica Simpson

We should all just thank our lucky stars that Jess isn? t included in the ranks of celebs who influence our fashion decisions like The Olsen Twins, Nicole, Kate Moss, etc. It just dawned on me that I? m taking my fashion cues from a bunch of anorexics and a drug addict. Oh well.

Back to the issue at hand. Jessica is a hot mess and needs some help now. I wish I was her real friend so I could take secret footage of her and get Stacy and Clinton from What Not To Wear to give that ho a $5000 Visa Gift Card to get some new clothes. That should cover it, since she clearly is buying her clothes at DressBarn.

Strike Three ? She? s OUT!