See? It pays to have AAAA horrible tragedy was narrowly averted last night when a tow truck driver saved Tori Spelling from a hideous death. She was mere seconds from being crushed by Paris Hilton's giant, smelly shoe. If not for the hyper-alert senses of her fellow partygoers, Tori might have been buried in the backyard next to the kinkajou.
Worse yet, we've been hearing reports that this incident may not have been accidental after all. Numerous sources report seeing Tori's evil mother, Candy, Queen of the Wrapping Paper, lurking behind the instep with a pry bar. She's never forgiven Tori for her unseemly divorce from Charlie Shanian after shelling out over a million dollars for their ridiculously over-the-top wedding, and she's never really warmed up to Dean. Getting that life-sized tattoo of Tori's horsey face on his arm probably did little to endear him to her. If not for Liam, she might have backed her car up to their ventilation system long ago.
