Just let me call you WilmerI've got to hand it to our girl Firecrotch. Looks like she made it through her all-important 21st birthday with her sobriety intact. For a little while there, she looked a bit tense, but then she found a way to take out her frustrations without chemical enhancement.
By the time Lindsay was done hammering this guy, he was up to his chest in sand ... and she never lost her grip on her cigarettes. She simply dismounted, wiped her chin and went inside for another piece of cake.
As battered as that guy was, that's nothing compared to the effect this spectacle had on Lindsay's little sister, Ali. Mama Dina had finally let her come in the house and cover herself after making her run around in a ridiculously small bikini. Relieved, Dina grabbed her favorite hoodie and leaned over the balcony, just in time to see her sister devour the boy toy. Poor kid may never be the same. 
Can't someone make her stop?
And where was Mama Lohan while her eldest daughter was practically having sex on the beach in front of hundreds of friends, photographers and pizza delivery guys? No one is sure, but you can bet it had nothing to do with a twelve-step program. Or family therapy.
