Why, simply throw an old curtain tie around your head as a chic headband, tie a bright red scarf on your pudgy neck to hide the ring around the collar, and go clubbing! Aw, hell, just go back to Hawaii again and splash around in the ocean - that'll do just fine. Who needs soap?
Showers are for sissies
Things keep going from bad to worse in the aging pop tart's life. Her representative, Leslie Sloan Zelnick, has finally thrown up her hands and is said to be taking a "hiatus" from all things Britney. Leslie is like Elliot Mintz - nothing scares her away. She ain't scared, she's disgusted.
This week Britney's legal team (who aren't too proud to take her money, and probably bill her in five-minute increments) threatened action against Clear Channel Communications for some billboards in Florida that depicted bald, pre-rehab raging Brit in a less-than-flattering light. 
Not so far-fetched
Britney needs to pick up the phone and double Leslie's fee, give her a house in Hawaii, whatever it takes ... and then listen to her. Otherwise, she'll end up cleaning toilets at the local Denny's. Thank goodness for the nannies - at least her boys are looked after.
I'd like to meet Britney
I'd like to meet Britney Spears, in Italy...I'd like to spend some time with her to show her how could be simple and happy an italian (and international) life....How could you help me? Please...