Jesse Metcalfe is not my idea of a sexy man. Isn't he the pool boy/gardener that Eva Longoria was boffing in Desperate Housewives? I think her arms are bigger. I know her soon-to-be-husband is, and if she's benching that, she's more butch than Jesse is.
Rehab didn't help. Put a bag over it.
Cabana Boy checked himself into rehab a couple of months ago when he realized his star was already fading. They kept asking him to park their cars over at Hyde, and his needy, sweaty looks didn't help matters. "Rehab will do it," Jesse may have thought. "The ladies who lunch will invite me back again, and I'll be able to keep my eyebrows waxed."
So Jesse did his time in rehab, although one has to wonder who footed that bill. He couldn't have made that much money taking off his shirt. Maybe the role he played on TV wasn't too far from home after all.
Now comes word that rehab really didn't help little Jesse. Upon release he flew to South Beach, where he is said to have drunkenly berated the staff at upscale hotels and eateries. Even worse, he's been sending his assistant ahead to screen his lodgings, so he doesn't have to pull that "Don't you know who I am?" line out of his ass.
The answer to that question, Jesse, is yes, we do. But we're done with you now. You may go.
