Chicks with dicks, or those who resemble them, cannot carry micro minis.
That's Mr. Fergie to you
She's got the hands of a carpenter, the knees of a rug layer and the feet of a placekicker. She's got the pipes of an angel, but can probably plow the back forty and dress out a steer before lunch.
What is she doing to her face - ironing it? She swears she's not doing drugs anymore, but every time we see her, she looks a little more leathery. There's more plastic in that face than a bag full of Legos. Maybe she thinks if her lips are big enough her eyes will be hidden in their shadow.
And then there's Jessica Biel, who beats her little bitch (no, not the pit bull) and keeps him in a broom closet until she has a use for him. 
The dress doesn't make the girlWhile she might not have a steady gig right now, she should still invest in a stylist - or convince aforementioned bitch that it's in his best interests to finance it for her. I have never seen her look good on the red carpet - it seems that none of her dresses fit her right, or are flattering to her. At first I couldn't figure it out, but then it hit me: She's built like a man, and simply can't carry a dress on that manly physique.
