Welcome to the Lilo Chronicles, the ongoing story of the little crackhead that could. Today's episode provides the background, in Hollywood-speak. Here's where it all began:
Mom and Dad in happier days
Meet the Lohans before they became the Blohans. This is what Lindsay's parents looked like when she was growing up, a typical middle-class Long Island couple. But look closely. Even back then there were warning signs: Michael's steely arm clamping down on Dina's thigh, forcing her legs closed, and the barely suppressed hysteria in her eyes.
But their angel, Lindsay, changed all that. As Lindsay's star rose, so did the friction between the parents, who couldn't believe how much money their little girl was raking in. There just wasn't room enough for both of them in the management office, so Dina did what she had to do: she filed for divorce and pushed him out.
Michael, being the short-fused control freak that he is, completely lost it, and ended up doing doing over a year in jail for felony DUI and assault charges. Dina was elated - now there was nothing to keep her from living the high life with Lindsay, and live it up she did.
Ah, but the party had to end sometime. Lindsay's first stay in rehab was a farce. Dina showing up with a camera crew didn't help matters. And now that Linds is in real trouble, where's Dina? According to her ex, she's "ignoring" the situation. "Lindsay needs to go to rehab," says Michael, "and my wife should go with her."
