Kid Rock and his pretty pink hatHey, Kid Rock. Tough guy, right? Cowboy, baby. Got a couple of questions for you, hot stuff.
First and foremost, why are you in Cannes? You have nothing to do with cinema. The only movie you've ever been in was that tour bus groupie thing with Scott Stapp. Since that gruesome yet memorable event (at least to Scott, whose star has been on the wane ever since), you somehow managed to hit the bimbo mother lode, and married Pamela Anderson. We all know what bad boy rockers do to Miss Pammie.
This bra doesn't fit and I have to peeUnfortunately, Kidster, apparently you couldn't seem to measure up to Pam's ex, Tommy Lee - maybe in more ways than one - and she bounced you out the door in just a few months.
OK, Kid, here's my second question: Why did you freak out and run like a sissy girl through the streets of Cannes when you heard that Pam was coming? Are you afraid of a scene between the former Mrs. Richie and your current squeeze, who doesn't seem to have marital aspirations (at least with you)? May seems to be quite happy leading the life of drugged-up rock and roll groupie. Perhaps that would change after a few words with our girl Pam.
Miss Pam, by the way, does have business in Cannes: she's doing the promo circuit for her upcoming film, Blond and Blonder, hoping to land a distribution deal with a major studio. She might have better luck if they airbrush out her co-star, Denise Richards. Nobody wants to see that skank on the big screen. Brrruh!
