I could not possibly be any more excited about the impending release of the Lauren Conrad/Jason Whaler sex tape.LC
I'm just assuming here, but this is how I picture it: LC is drinking wine out of a plastic cup b/c she was not 21 at the time and needs to hide the evidence from the cameras. Jason, could give a f-ck who's going to see and is blowing lines off her reportedly XXL roast beef curtains.
A few minutes later Jason is HUMPING away on top of a naked LC who insists on doing it in front of a mirrored wall so she could perfect her coif w/ the cordless curling iron she pulled out of her Louis Vuitton bag a few minutes earlier while Jason was pretending to get a condom. Luckily, she's so zonked on Adderal that she doesn't notice he's riding her straight into a prescription for Valtrex.
A few minutes after that LC files her nails and a sweaty/hairy Jason gets up to answer the doorbell completely naked. Good thing he didn't put on clothes, because it's LC's busted friend Jen looking for sloppy seconds. LC looks over at Jason and Jen going at it and wonders out loud, "Why do ALL of my friends screw me over for guys?!"
She runs out of the room crying and and begins the search for a new brunette best friend who will steal the next guy who decides to use her for camera time.
